Trust

God has really been convicting me on this one issue lately in my life. I think I've always had a problem with it. As I look back on my life I realized that I have not kept a single one of my friends my whole entire life. Things always happen... they leave me, they betray me, we grow distant... it doesn't matter what causes it, we just never last.

This past year or two God has placed amazing friends in my life, and I love them so much. I want to trust them, I want to know that I can share anything with them, that I can turn to them when I hurt the most... but my past keeps me from it. I found one of the greatest people in my life last year, she was my best friend and I knew without a doubt that whatever was happening to me, I could share it with her and she could give me amazing advice that I knew was from God... now shes gone...I haven't talked to her since August and haven't hung out with her for even longer! How does this keep happening to me! What do I do so wrong that drives people away from me?!

Now I have a new group of friends, all wonderful people that I so long to trust and let close... but I hesitate to do so, because this time when they leave I don't wanna suffer like I did the last time. I don't wanna shed the tears and feel the heartache that I have experienced so many times before.

I wish I could just say that I hate trust and be done with it.... but I don't, I still long for a best friend that when I'm 52 I still keep in touch with, and I can talk to them on the phone and reminisce about that time when we were in high school and we did some stupid things.

One day maybe....
One day...